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(A black screen shows the words "Far, far away from Wartwood" in red text.)
[whinnies]
[grunting]
[cheering]
Toad soldier: Work that tongue. Yeah, come on!
Soldiers: Whoo!
Toad soldier: Bull's-eye!
(Captain Grime enters the room.)
[cheering stops]
Toad soldier: It's Captain Grime!
Toad soldier: Captain Grime's here!?
Toad soldier: Captain Grime!?
[raspy breathing]
Grime: So, these are the valley's strongest warriors. Pathetic! Wait, hold on. Is this guy seriously wearing his breastplate as pants?
Soldier: Uh, it won't happen again, sir.
Grime: No, it won't. Take him to the pain room. [fingers snap]
Soldier: Not the pain room. I hate pain!
Grime: I'm sure you've all heard frogs in the valley are getting unruly. They're questioning our authority. Some towns have even stopped paying their taxes. And do you know why?
Soldier: Maybe they, I don't know, forgot?
Grime: No, you imbeciles! You've all gotten soft.
[gulps]
[croaks]
Grime: To get this valley under control, I need warriors who are fierce, cunning, and above all, ruthless!
[squeaking]
(A cockroach starts eating a drip of Sasha's gruel. She crushes it with a loose brick.)
Sasha: Get your own food, you dumb bug.
[door unlocks]
Sasha: Huh?
Percy: Hey, Sasha. Brought you dinner. Cricket Thursdays.
Sasha: Percy!
Percy: Hey, I've been working on my act. Do you wanna see it?
Sasha: Totally! Bring it.
Percy: Okay, stay right there.
[music playing]
Percy: Ta-da!
Sasha: Whoo! Wow! Get it, toad! That was legit, Percy. Honestly, you're wasting your time here as a guard.
Percy: You know what? You're right. Thanks, Sasha. I can't wait to see the look on Grime's face when I tell him that I'm--
[gasps]
(Captain Grime enters the room.)
Grime: Tell me what?
Percy: Uh...That I quit and I've always hated this job. Bye!
Grime: [sighs]
Sasha: Hey there, Grimesy! What's that, like, the fifth toad I've talked into leaving this week?
Grime: There's plenty more where that came from, and far more loyal than Percy.
Sasha: Are you sure about that? You're not exactly Mr. Popular around here.
Grime: Enough! Now who--
Sasha: Sent me? No one. How'd I get here? Don't know. What do I want? To find my friends and go home. Haven't we been through this enough?
Grime: It'll be enough once you start giving me real answers. Until then--
(Braddock runs in.)
Braddock: Captain Grime! Captain Grime! Sir! Oh, hey, Sash.
Sasha: Braddock! Hey, girlfriend. How's the garden coming along?
Braddock: [gasps] Oh, it's gorgeous. You should see the squash--
Grime: Did you need something, soldier?
Braddock: Oh! Right. Yes. We may have a small problem.
Braddock: There.
[screeches]
Grime: Kill the torches. Fast!
Braddock: Sir.
Sasha: A bird? You guys are scared of a bird?
Grime: Quiet. It's not just a bird. It's a heron, a murderous predator that happens to love the taste of flesh.
[screeches]
Sasha: Cute.
Grime: The most important thing right now is that we be very, very quiet.
[door creaking]
[music playing]
(Percy comes through the door loudly playing his several instruments.)
Sasha [whispering]: Come back. Get back here.
Grime [whispering]: Percy, come back.
Braddock [whispering]: Percy!
Grime [whispering]: Get back here, Percy.
Percy (loudly): Sorry, guys. But this toad's gotta follow his dreams!
(The herons start attacking Percy, he runs back toward the Tower and they follow him.)
[screeches]
[screams]
[pants, shouts]
[growls]
Grime: Don't lead them here, you fool. Ugh!
[horn blares]
Grime: Close the gates.
Percy: Wait for me!
Sasha: Whoa, this is serious.
[screeches]
Sasha: Oh, crud!
[all screaming]
Grime: Ah, this place is falling apart!
[sobbing]
[screeching]
[whimpers]
Soldier: Find a happy place. Find a happy place.
Grime: Come on, you cowards. Fight back.
[screams]
Grime: Do something!
Sasha: Bring it on, birdbrain!
Grime: Hmm?
(Sasha attacks one of the herons, which has smashed through the wall of her prison.)
Sasha: Eat this!
[screeches]
Grime: The creature can fight. She could be worth something.
[grunts]
(Grime frees Sasha from her chains. She immediatly gets up and runs.)
Grime: Creature, fight with me. And together we'll--And she's gone.
[grunting]
Grime: I'm not afraid of death.
(Sasha returns holding a large barrel, which she throws at the heron.)
Sasha: Hey! Ugly chicken! [grunts]
Heron: [whimpers]
Grime: [laughs] Where did you get moves like that?
Sasha: Cheerleading, believe it or not.
Grime: I'm sorry, cheer what?
Sasha: Okay, listen up. If I help you get rid of these birds, you will give me provisions and release me. Deal?
Grime: Deal. Now grab every toad you can and head to the safe room.
[heron screeching]
Grime: Quickly.
[loud thudding]
[all groan]
[whimpering]
Percy: You know what would lighten this atmosphere a little bit? A joke! How many herons does it take to storm a castle?
(Grime points his sword at him.)
Percy: Too soon?
Grime: You lot are, without a doubt, the most useless group of toads I have ever seen.
All: Aw!
Grime: Maybe if any of you had a scrap of courage, we wouldn't be in here cowering like a bunch of--
Sasha: [laughs] Okay.
Grime: What?
Sasha: All right. Let's take five. Grimesy, a word in private, please?
Sasha: Okay, if you keep yelling at them like that, they'll keep being useless, and we'll all die.
Grime: What do you suggest, I congratulate them? Give them each an award?
Sasha: Not exactly. Just try saying nice things for a change. Get them to love you, and they'll do anything for you.
Grime: That actually works?
Sasha: Oh, it works, all right. Trust me.
Grime: Mmm. I don't know.
Sasha: Here, I'll give you a head start. Whoa, Grime! So you think your guards are all amazing but you're afraid to tell them your true feelings?
Grime: What? What are you--
Sasha: What's that? You think Braddock is the toughest toad in the tower 'cause she doesn't take garbage from anyone?
Grime: Uh...Yes! Braddock is tough. Tough as beetle skin.
Soldier: Ooh, look at you!
Soldier: Oh, way to go.
Braddock: [chuckles] Oh, well, I do wash with a steel wool brush. It really hurts.
Sasha: And what were those nice things you said about Gary?
Grime: Oh, Gary. Gary, Gary. Um...Gary never missed a day, even when he was sick.
Gary: What can I say, I'm dedicated.
Soldier: Ooh! Can't believe he actually likes us.
Sasha: And Percy?
Grime: I don't wanna do Percy.
Sasha: And Percy?
Grime: Percy's a grubbing idiot.
All: [gasp]
Percy: [whimpers]
Soldier: Ooh.
Soldier: Harsh.
Grime: Uh...But, when he makes a mistake, he owns it. And he doesn't stop until he makes things right. And because of that...
[gasping]
Grime: He has...
Sasha: Come on, come on.
Grime: [grunts] He's earned my respect.
All: [gasp]
Percy: [gasps] I have?
Grime: [stammers] Yes?
Percy: [sniffles] Captain Grime, sir, we're taking this tower back, even if we have to fight through 20 herons. Now come on, you toads. No one wants to live forever!
[cheering]
[whooping]
[screeching]
Percy: [gulps] For Grime!
All: [cheer]
Percy: Before we die, Braddock, I love you. I've always loved you.
Braddock: [gasps] (She slaps Percy then pulls him into a kiss.)
[screeching]
Grime: Up here, pheasants!
[both whooping]
[both shouting]
[screeching]
[grunts]
[Sasha grunting]
[both shouting]
[screeching]
(Sasha and Grime defeat the herons and the herons fly off)
All: Whoa.
Grime: Toads of Toad Tower, today was a great victory. If it weren't for your bravery, the fortress would be lost. You're all heroes!
Soldier: Did Grime...
Braddock: Just call us...
Percy: Heroes?
[all cheering]
Grime: All right, troops, listen up.
All: Sir, yes, sir!
Grime: Okay. Wow. Um...Head down to the mess hall for some food and a round of beetle mead. You've earned it.
All: Sir, yes, sir!
Toad: Hup, hup, hup, hup!
Grime(to Sasha): Unbelievable. This compliment stuff is witchcraft.
Sasha: Uh-huh, yeah, okay. Anyways, I upheld my part of the deal. So give me some rations, a map, maybe a cool cloak or two, and I'll be on my way.
Grime: Not so fast. You're far too dangerous and manipulative to be left to roam free.
Sasha: You warty little--
Grime: But we both know I can't stop you. So go ahead, be a vagabond, wandering alone in the wilderness.
Sasha: Or?
Grime: Or stay here. Help us rebuild the tower. Perhaps serve as my second-in-command. And when we're done here, you, me, and the entire garrison will march on the valley, restore order, and find your friends. Now, how does that sound?
Sasha (thinking): I think I can live with that.
Grime: Then come, Lieutenant. We have much to discuss.
(Grime exits while Sasha stays)
Toad (offscreen): Captain Grime, sir. Bog has just returned from Wartwood and is waiting for you in the briefing room.
(Sasha pulls out her BFF photo of her, Anne and Marcy.)
Sasha (to herself): Hold on for a little longer, girls. I'm coming for you. And when I find you, we're gonna get home. But first, I think we're gonna have some fun with this place.