— This is a transcribed copy of Lost in Newtopia. — |
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[Outside Newtopia, seagulls fly away as the robot waves its arms. We cut to Newtopia where Anne and the Plantars are on a tour bus.]
Tour Guide: [On the speakers] Welcome, ladies and gentle-phibians, to a safe uneventful afternoon of touristy nonsense. It may not be as eventful as other tours but did I mention it's safe?
Anne: This is the last time we let Hop Pop pick the activity.
Hop Pop: Look Anne, we've got a few days to kill before King Andrias reveals his findings about the music box. And what better way to spend that time than learning? [Anne, Sprig, and Polly groan. Anne then sees various food outside.]
Anne: Oh, wow, what's that place?
Tour Guide: Imminent danger. Look away!
Polly: But imminent is the best kind of danger.
Tour Guide: Now then, what's the most important thing to do when visiting Newtopia? Any guesses?
Anne: Ooh, ooh! Eating like a local? Looking like a local? Partying with the locals?
Tour Guide: Nope. It's getting to know the city from a safe distance. Like on this bus.
Hop Pop: Such wisdom. [Anne and Polly sigh.]
Anne: This is just like when I'd go traveling with my mom.
[We go to a flashback where Anne and her mother are in Thailand. She sees people lining up to get Thai food.]
Young Anne: Mom, can I please try some of that?
Mrs. Boonchuy: No, sweetie, your California stomach can't handle it. But you can have carrot stick and trail mix. [Young Anne whimpers in sadness and we go back to the present.]
Anne: I didn't want the baby carrots, Mom! I didn't want 'em! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! [A driver rolls up her window as Anne cries.] You know what?
Polly: What?
Anne: This time, I'm gonna experience the city the way the locals do! Not sit on a bus like some dumb tourist!
Tour Guide: And now for our tour of the tour bus. This is the ceiling, what a good ceiling! Not to be outdone by the floor!
Male Newt: Ooh!
Polly: Count me in. So what do we do?
Anne: Follow my lead. [groans] Oh, man, Hop Pop, my stomach is killing me. Can we go back to the hotel?
Polly: Uh, me too. I need to get off now or I'll explode! [The other passengers gasp.]
Hop Pop: [gasps] Why does this keep happening? Now I'll never make it to the cheese museum.
Anne: No, no! Why don't you stay on the tour? We can head back ourselves.
Hop Pop: And we're back. But you two gotta promise me you'll go straight to the hotel. No detours!
Anne and Polly: We promise!
Anne: Sprig, you coming?
Sprig: I thought you'd never ask. [He tries to leave, but gasps after seeing that he is handcuffed to Hop Pop.] You handcuffed us together?!
Hop Pop: Sorry, Sprig, but after the Ruins of Disaster incident, you've left me no choice.
Sprig: Well, the jokes on you. Anne and Polly would never leave me. [He sees Anne and Polly getting off the bus.]
Anne: Later, dude!
Sprig: [Trying to free himself] No! No, no, no, no, no!
Hop Pop: Now sit your butt down and put on your cheese hat. [He puts a cheese hat on Sprig.]
Sprig: Noooooooo! [The bus takes off.]
Anne and Polly: Ah.
Anne: Welcome, Polly, to the bowels of the city. [We show various food tents and some children riding a centipede.]
Polly: You know, it's been a long time since you and I had a solo adventure.
Anne: Heck, yeah! We're way overdue. Looks like it's finally time for team P'Anne to get more screen time. [She and Polly jump in the air.]
Both: Team P'Anne for life! [They fall to the ground.]
Anne: Ow! [Polly groans as she bounces off the ground.]
Polly: Our team name's bad.
Anne: Yeah, it could be better. Anyhoo, let's get this authentic experience started.
Polly: [Near map guides] Okay, sounds good. [Anne picks her up.] Oh!
Anne: No guides! People will know we're lame-o tourists.
Polly: [gasps] You're right. Don't wanna be like that guy.
Frog #1: Aw.
Anne: All right. Step one, eat like the locals. [She points to a food booth.] Street food, baby. Nothing more authentic. [She and Polly walk over to the food booth.] Hey, buddy. Can you whip us up a couple of... [She picks up a menu in the ancient Amphibia language.] Uh... Uh... Actually, we'll just take two of whatever the locals eat.
Food Booth Owner: Uh, are you sure? I mean, we don't usually serve this to outsiders. It's pretty spicy.
Anne: Ha! That don't scare me. After all, I'm Thai.
Food Booth Owner: Uh, Jerry. All right. Whatever. Two extra spicys. Here you go.
Anne: All right!
Anne & Polly: Cheers!
Anne: Hey, not bad! [groans, pants]
[coughs, screams]
[gulps]
Polly: [laughs] Weak!
[all gasp]
-[panting]
Jerry: Hey! You two torched my roof.
Polly: Prove it!
Anne: Sorry, my good man... Eh, newt. This should cover the cost.
Jerry: [sighs] Didn't you read the sign? Cash only!
Anne: Uh... [chuckles] Well, of course I did... Run, Polly!
Jerry: Hey!
[Polly screams]
Polly: Could you not throw me?!
Anne: I panicked! I panicked!
Jerry: Get back here! Just wait till I get my hands on you.
Anne: Whew! That was close. Man, Polly, I feel so authentic. I can't feel my face but my heart feels alive!
Polly: Did you see the part where I breathed fire? What's next? What's next?
Anne: Step two, look like the locals. What's the one thing they've got that we don't?
Polly: Cash money.
Anne: Tails! Big, beautiful newt tails.
Polly: Well, actually, I have a tail but I see what you're doing.
-Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails.
-Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails.
-[Anne, Polly] Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails. Tails. Tails.
-Tails. Tails. Tails. -Tails. Tails. Tails.
Anne: Two tails, please, for two locals.
Locals, hey? Well, nice to meet ya.
Anne: Whoa, uh... Am I supposed to, uh...
Now let's get you fixed with a temporary tail until your new one grows back.
Anne: Gross. And okay!
Hmm. Exactly how long was your old tail?
Anne: How long you got?
Anne: All right! Now that's what I'm talking about.
Ow!
Anne: Hey, Polly! Find one you like?
Polly: Gimme that one.
Anne: This is it, Polly. You have a tail, I have a tail. We totally look like the locals.
Polly: Yeah, we're definitely blending in. [laughs]
Anne: Oh, hey, what's that stand over there selling? [She accidentally strikes a paper boy with her tail, who screams as he falls.] Oh, my Gosh. [She turns around, only to accidentally strike an elder newt, knocking off her glasses.]
Elder Newt: My glasses!
Anne: Ah, sorry!
Guard: All right, all right, what seems to be the problem?
Anne: Ooh! I'm so sorry.
Guard: [grunts] Wha... [grunts] I oughta lock you up for disturbing the peace.
Anne: You ought to, but you won't, right?
Guard: Oh. Smart one, hey? That's it! You're coming with me.
-[screams] -[yells]
[screams, blows whistle]
[groans]
Guard 1: Dang it! We'll never find them in this crowd.
Guard 2: What? Sure we will.
Guard 1: Shush. I'm lazy.
Guard 2: Ah.
Anne: [sighs] That was intense. Being authentic is more work than I thought.
Polly: I don't know. Seems pretty cool to me. What's next?
-[marching band playing] -[crowd cheering]
Newt Mother: Look at that, sweetie.
Newt Child: Ooh.
Anne: Step three, baby. Party with the locals.
[both] Whoo-hoo!
Anne: Hey, can I join in?
I don't see why not.
Anne: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Polly: Go, Anne! You maniac!
Anne: Oh, hey! Mouth control.
Polly: What?
Anne: [mimicking] Hi, Polly. I'm Freddie the Fish. Fry me up for dinner.
-[Anne mimicking laugh]
[Polly continues laughing until she notices everyone has gone quiet.]
Polly: Wait, something's wrong.
Anne: I'm delicious. [laughs]
-[crowd gasps]
Anne: Huh?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Anne: Oh, I'm sorry. I was just dancing with your goofy mascot.
[crowd gasps]
That "goofy mascot" is Igor the Brave. He's a great hero who once gave his life to save Newtopia. This parade is in his honor.
Anne: My bad. I had no idea. [trips] Whoa!
[crowd gasps, clamors]
Polly: We should run, right?
Anne: Heck, yeah!
After them!
Guard 1: Hey, it's those two kids. At least one of them's a kid. The other one is some kind of funny-looking...
Anne: Just chase us already!
Guard 1: You got it!
[Anne panting]
You've got to be kidding me.
Jerry: Spicy wraps here. Get your spicy wraps. Hey, it's you two! Get back here. [grunts] Siege mode!
[yells]
Holy... [screams]
Anne: Forget authenticity. Forget being a local. We should've used a brochure. A guide. Anything! Heck, we should've never left the tour bus. [screams]
Hop Pop: [screams] Street freaks! Oh, wait. No, it's just my granddaughter and my adopted granddaughter.
[crowd approaching]
Anne & Polly: Let us in! Let us in!
Tour Guide: Everyone, remain calm. As long as we don't open the doors or windows, this disaster will pass us by.
Sprig: Forget that!
[Anne screams]
[Polly screams]
Hop Pop: Quick, get in!
[all scream]
Jerry: Oh, no, you don't!
[Anne strains]
[Anne strains, screams]
Anne: This is insane! Leave me!
Polly: Never! Team P'Anne for life, remember?
Anne: That's right. That's right. P'Anne can't lose!
Polly: [gasps] I just thought of a better name. An-olly.
Hop Pop: Oh, that's not better.
Sprig: It's worse, actually.
Anne: [sobs] "An-olly." I... I love it. Now let's end this thing.
Jerry: Don't make this harder than it has to... [groans]
Anne: Kick in the neck! [Snatches a spicy wrap] Yoink!
Jerry: Oh, boy.
[crowd screams]
[burps]
Whoo!
You guys still want to check out that cheese museum?
[all] Yes, please!
Marcy: [groans] This is the last book and still nothing on the music box.
King Andrias: Well, even I have to admit I'm surprised. This is one of the most comprehensive libraries in all of Amphibia. Maybe we missed a book somewhere.
Marcy: [groans] I need more bug-accinos. B-R-B. Whoa! Ah, dang it! Tell me that tapestry wasn't hundreds of years old.
King Andrias: Oh, way older than that actually.
Marcy: No!
King Andrias: But wait! Marcy, look!
Marcy: Hmm. I'ma push it. Bop.
King Andrias: What the... Huh?
Marcy: No way. A secret library wing. Did you know about this?
King Andrias: No. It must be thousands of years old, judging by the smell. Whew!
Marcy: Well, come on. I just know the answers are down there waiting for us.