| — This is a transcribed copy of Dating Season. — |
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| Speaker | Dialogue |
|---|---|
| (Scene opens on an establishing shot of a forest. Sprig takes Anne for a stroll in the woods.) | |
| Anne: | Why do we always hang out in the woods? You have a perfectly good living room. |
| Sprig: | Where's the fun in that? This place is full of nature. Whoo-hoo! |
| (Anne watches a ladybug getting eaten by a large spider. Anne flinches as the spider walks away with its prey.) | |
| Anne: | Yeah, exactly. |
| (Sprig starts humming as he continues his stroll before hearing something in the bushes.) | |
| Sprig: | (gasps) Stay back. (Arms himself with a stick.) It could be a bloodsucking predator! |
| Anne: | You are really not selling me on this place. |
| (Sprig lowers the bush down and sees a gourd with a drawn smiley face and small branches placed on top.) | |
| Sprig: | (shocked) Oh, no. It's an-- (Suddenly sees a yellow frog on top of a tree.) |
| Ivy: | Ambush! (The yellow frog jumps down and catches Sprig in a tussle. She hides in another bush as Sprig starts playing dead.) |
| Sprig: | (grunting) I'm hit! Sprig down! Sprig down! |
| Ivy: | (Emerges from the bush.) Ha ha! |
| Sprig: | Hey, Ivy. Nice ambush. Gourd in a wig? Classic. |
| Ivy: | (chuckles) Can't take all the credit. You're really easy to trick. |
| Sprig: | Well, guilty as charged. |
| (They both laugh before being interrupted by Anne's forceful coughing to notice her.) | |
| Sprig: | Oh, Ivy, meet Anne. Oddity from another world. Anne, meet Ivy. Childhood acquaintance and occasional sparring partner. (He throws a punch she blocks, then she kicks him in the face causing him to grunt. He recovers and laughs.) |
| Anne: | Hey, Ivy. |
| Ivy: | Hey, I've seen you around. (Offers a handshake.) Nice to officially meet. Do you like being randomly attacked? |
| Anne: | Not at all. (Ivy walks away to face Sprig.) |
| Ivy: | Well, too bad. See you later, Sprig. (Closeup on her unnerving expression.) But you won't see me. |
| (Ivy jumps back on a log and leaps away out of Sprig's sight. He laughs before Anne starts teasing him.) | |
| Anne: | Well, well, well. She's kinda cute, huh? (She wiggles her eyebrows.) |
| Sprig: | I don't know what you're talking about. (Walks on ahead with Anne continues to tease along.) |
| Anne: | Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. |
| Sprig: | (offscreen) You're being weird, Anne. |
| (Scene cuts to an establishing shot of the Plantar residence.) | |
| Anne: | (Shouts inside.) We're home! |
| Hop Pop: | What have you two been doin'? I've been lookin' for you all morning. |
| Anne: | Oh, nothing. Except Sprig was totally flirting with a cute girl! |
| Hop Pop: | (Gasps in shock, then surprised.) No kiddin'? |
| Sprig: | Anne, it's not like that. Ivy Sundew and I are just friends. |
| Hop Pop: | Ivy Sundew? Nobody move! (Runs upstairs.) I'm gettin' the courtship kit. |
| Anne: | This is so exciting! I'm gonna go get my dating magazines. BRB! (Runs offscreen to her basement room. Sprig stares at Polly for a silent pause.) |
| Polly: | I don't actually care. |
| (Hop Pop opens a small chest containing a ceremonial hat, neck ruff and a bouquet of tall mushrooms.) | |
| Hop Pop: | Here we go. The Firefly Formal is tonight. It's the perfect opportunity to begin the ritual. |
| Anne: | (Emerges up the basement door, holding her magazines.) Ritual? |
| Hop Pop: | Uh-huh. Only frogs who have performed the ceremonial dance in the ceremonial garb (Presents an illustration of two frogs in ceremonial garb with the words "True Love" written on it.) are allowed to be wed. |
| Anne: | Huh. Kitschy. I like it. (Sprig tries to break it up between Anne and Hop Pop.) |
| Sprig: | Guys! We're just friends. Besides, I'm already engaged to Maddie, right? She gave me this nifty ring. (Closeup on Sprig's ring, which is an eerie skull with glowing eye sockets.) |
| Hop Pop: | (Grabs Sprig's shoulders.) Forget her! The Sundews have secret proprietary crops. (Raises his voice.) DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS?! |
| Sprig: | (Struggles to answer.) Uh... |
| Hop Pop: | (Overly greedy.) IF OUR FAMILIES MERGE, WE'LL BE RICH!! |
| Polly: | (Too uninterested and bored.) Wow. Sooo romantic. |
| Anne: | Uhh! I love these magazines. Look, Sprig. It says here two-thirds of all soul mates start out as "just friends." |
| Sprig: | (Suddenly takes a look, unsure.) Wait, what? Really? And you trust these things? |
| Anne: | Definitely. Magazines never lie. (Shows an article reading "Bat & Cat Have Baby?" in the magazine.) |
| Sprig: | Could Ivy be my eternal love, my soul mate, the cat to my bat? |
| Hop Pop: | Well, we're about to find out 'cause I already asked her family. (A large mosquito messenger arrives next to Hop Pop on an open window. He reads the letter.) Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. They agreed to a date! (Notices the mosquito still present.) What do you want? (The mosquito buzzes its wings.) Oh, your tip. All right, here you go. But don't take too much, though. I have chores to do later. |
| Sprig: | Well, missing out on eternal love does sound bad. I guess one date couldn't hurt. |
| Anne: | Hey! |
| Hop Pop: | That's my boy! |
| [music playing] | |
| Hop Pop: | Stop strugglin'. |
| Anne: | Just a little more. |
| Sprig: | [grunting] |
| Anne: | All righty. Cool. |
| Hop Pop: | My boy, you look incredible. |
| Sprig: | Uh... I don't know about this. Ivy's gonna think I look stupid. I think I look stupid. |
| Anne: | Great! You'll have something in common. It's fine. (Her head bangs on lanterns as she walks.) Ow. Ow. Ow. |
Felicia: My little girl's a woman.
Ivy: Mom!
Sprig: [gulps]
Hop Pop: All right, boy, go get that lucrative business relationship. I mean, romantic relationship. [chuckles] Saved it.
Sprig: [squeaking] Hey.
Ivy: Hi.
Sprig: Uh... these are for you.
Ivy: Oh. Thanks.
Sprig: So...you're looking like a... girl frog.
Ivy: Oh, okay. I like your, uh, collar.
Felicia: [sighs] I'm so happy we agreed on this merger, Hopadiah. That Sprig of yours looks like a hard worker.
Hop Pop: Like we agreed, you'll get Sprig to work at your restaurant, and I'll get the seeds to those Sundew vegetables.
Felicia: Agreed.
Anne: This is so exciting. I wonder what their ship name will be. Ivig? Sprigivy?
Polly: What are you even saying?
Hop Pop: Shh! Let's watch our little love doves fly. Love doves are birds that mate for life.
Anne: I got it.
Albus Duckweed: Excuse me, everybody, but I hear we have a couple of love doves here tonight. Ivy Sundew and Sprig Plantar. Whoo! A big hand for them. Come on, let me hear it. Hopadiah Plantar says, "Sprig, don't mess this up for us." And Felicia Sundew would like Ivy to "have a great courtship. Wink." It says "wink" here. "Love, Mom." All right, then. Hit it, boys!
[music playing]
[both chuckle nervously]
[both grunting]
Sprig: There we go.
Ivy: I had no idea you felt this way about me, Sprig.
Sprig: Oh, sure. Didn't you know two-thirds of all mates start with souls? Ah! I mean, two-thirds of all souls start with...[sighs] I can't do this. I'm really sorry, Ivy. I-- I don't want to date you. Everyone just convinced me this was a good idea.
Ivy: Oh, thank goodness! I only went along because I didn't want to hurt you. Also 'cause my mom forced me.
Sprig: Ha! Parents, am I right? What do you say we ditch this thing and go watch some fireflies? They're in season.
Ivy: [laughs] After you, friend.
Sprig: Why, thank you, friend.
[both laughing]
Anne: Ooh-la-la. The little love doves are sneaking off into the woods. You know what that means.
Felicia: It means they're abandoning the ritual! If those two don't finish that dance...
Hop Pop: Then this courtship will be ruined! Along with my financial security!
Anne: Wait, what? We cannot let them waste this chance. They say nine out of ten people stay up at night regretting missed romantic opportunities. Nine out of ten!
Hop Pop: Come on, gang. Let's get this merger back on track.
Polly: Uh, counterpoint. Why don't we just leave them alone?
Felicia: Ridiculous.
Hop Pop: Not a chance.
Anne: I'm way too invested right now.
[grunting]
Sprig: Wow. Man, this is way better than that stuffy old dance. Right, Ivy? Ivy? Ivy?
Ivy: Ambush!
Sprig: Ha ha!
Ivy: Oh, no, you don't.
Sprig: Ha ha ha!
Ivy: Come back here! This'll be your grave!
Sprig: That's, uh...That's pretty dark.
Hop Pop: Hmm. Where are those dang kids?
[wings flapping]
[bird screeches]
Hop Pop: What's that?
Anne: Huh?
Felicia: They're beautiful.
Polly: Just look at them.
Hop Pop: Love doves. Don't move or we're dead.
Anne: What? I thought they were all romantic and mate for life.
Hop Pop: Yeah, and they spend that life massacring all living things.
[both coo, shriek]
[all scream]
[squawking]
[all scream]
Hop Pop: Beautiful. [scream]
Sprig: Hey, purple ones.
Ivy: Oh, yeah, those are babies. I read that they're purple so the moms can find them if they get lost.
Sprig: What? That's adorable.
Ivy: I know, right?
Sprig: Bleh. [screaming] What the...
Ivy: That sounded like...
[screaming]
Sprig: Our families! We gotta help them!
Ivy: Way ahead of you. Come on, let's go!
[screeching]
[all grunt]
[all gasp]
[both shriek]
Anne: We're stuck.
[both squawk]
Anne: Uh, so they're not gonna eat us?
Hop Pop: Not right away. Love doves prefer to let their prey marinate in fear first.
Felicia: [groans] Can it, Plantar. This is all your fault. If you taught your grandson proper courtship technique--
Hop Pop: My fault? It's obviously yours.
Anne: [grunts, spits] Guys, it says here that our relationships define us, and nothing else. Nothing else!
[all speaking, indistinct]
Polly: [growls] Enough! It's all your faults.
Hop Pop: Say what?
Anne: Impossible.
Polly: Zip it! The only reason we're here marinating is because you all had to play matchmaker. You two were greedy, plain and simple.
Hop Pop: Maybe a little.
Felicia: It's nuanced.
Anne: Nice. Totally innocent for once. You two should be ashamed.
Polly: Are you kidding? Sprig only went through with this because of you and this dumb magazine!
[Growling like crazy, Polly tears the magazine apart in her mouth. When she's finished, she's left heavily panting.]
Anne: Wow. I feel lighter somehow, more... free.
Sprig: Hey! We're here to rescue you.
All: Whew!
Felicia: Oh, thank frog.
Ivy: We're also here to tell you we don't want to date each other and we never will.
Hop Pop: We know. Polly set us straight.
Felicia: Look, kids, we--
Anne: Sprig, I'm so sorry.
[shrieking]
Polly: I always tell them, "Save the heartfelt apologies for when we get to safety."
Ivy: Don't worry, guys. Sprig and I are ready for combat. Right?
Sprig: Right.
Ivy: On the count of three. One, two...[stops counting upon seeing Sprig is gone.] Sprig?
Sprig: Ambush! Ha ha!
[grunts]
[shrieks]
Sprig: Take that, you beautiful creature!
[squawks]
[squawks]
Sprig: Whoa!
[cooing]
Ivy: Nice ambush.
Sprig: Well, I learned from the best. Now let's finish this up.
[squawks]
[sighs]
Hop Pop: Amazing. Even in defeat, they're majestic.
[cooing]
Felicia: Come along now, Ivy. Let's get you home so I can apologize safely.
Ivy: Okay. That was fun. See ya, Sprig!
Sprig: See ya, Ivy!
Hop Pop: Sprig, next time we won't get the courtship kit out until you're good and ready. Now I can focus on finding love for Polly.
Polly: No!
Anne: Well, that's the end of that. Now you and Ivy can go back to being just friends.
Sprig: Yep.
Anne: Oh, you just fell in love with her, didn't you?
Sprig: Yeah, I just fell in love with her.