| — This is a transcribed copy of Cracking Mrs. Croaker. — |
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Felicia: Hi, Sprig. Thanks for your help in the tea shop the other day.
Sprig: No problem, Felicia. I had a tea-rrific time.
Felicia: [chuckles] Oh, come here, you little charmer.
Sprig: [laughing]
Felicia: Oh, look at you. Okay, bye.
Sprig: All right, see ya.
Jerry: Hiya, Sprig.
Sprig: Heya, Jerry.
Patrick: Top of the mornin' to you, Sprig.
Sprig: Lookin' good, Patrick.
Ferraiolo: Buongiorno, Sprig.
Sprig: Hey, all right!
Anne: Wow. People around here really seem to like Sprig.
Polly: Yep, he's always been something of a town favorite.
(Sprig makes a Kawaii-like face.)
Polly: Those big eyes and goofy grin are hard to resist.
(A horn honks and Sprig turns to see Mrs. Croaker on her ladybug approaching.)
Sprig: Hey-hey! Here comes Mrs. Croaker. Hi, Mrs. Croaker!
(Mrs. Croaker zooms right past without saying hi.)
Sprig: Heh. [Looks at his arm.] This thing broken?
Anne, Polly: Hi, Mrs. Croaker!
Mrs. Croaker: Well, hello, Anne. Polly.
Polly: [giggling]
Sprig: [panting]
Sprig: Hi, Mrs. Croa...ker...? That was weird. Guys, you aren't gonna believe this, but...I don't think Mrs. Croaker likes me!!
Anne: Huh. So what do you think Hop Pop's making for dinner tonight?
Sprig: How could she not like me? I'm Sprig. The fun Plantar!
Anne: Don't worry about it, dude. It's okay if one person doesn't like you.
Sprig: You know what, Anne, you're right. This is not okay.
Anne: That's literally the opposite of what I just said.
Sprig: Looks like it's time to crank up the charm on this widow.
(He holds the door open for Mrs. Croaker on the way out of the store.)
Sprig: [chuckles] After you, m'lady. What?
Frog: Oh, hey. Thanks so much--
Sprig(trying to grab Mrs. Croaker's groceries from her): Wait. Uh, let me help you with that. [straining] Whoa!
[crash]
Sprig: No, wait! Mrs. Croaker, come back. [sobbing] Acknowledge me!
Polly: That was the saddest thing I've ever seen. And I've seen some things.
Sprig: How can I fix this?
Anne: Totally feel for you, dude. I had the same issue with a girl named Jamie Krieger back home. My advice? Just let it go.
Sprig: You know what, Anne? You're right. I can't just let this go. I have to get Mrs. Croaker to like me. And I can't do that unless I know more about her. Fact-finding mission, engage! Haha!
Anne: Sprig! [sighs]
Polly: Get used to this feeling.
(Sprig starts interviewing townspeople about Mrs. Croaker.)
Stumpy: Croaker? She's just a kooky old spider lady. What's there to know?
Loggle: I think she was born that old. She looked exactly the same when I was a kid.
Maddie: She smells like wet leaves and fungus. I love it.
Mr. Flour(from upstairs): Maddie, the buns are burning!
Maddie: [screams]
(Anne and Polly are still in front of the grocery store. Anne is playing a game on her phone while Polly watches.)
Polly: Come on, Anne. Shake that man. Shake him.
Sprig: [groans] I spent all day and I know even less about her than I did before.
Hop Pop(emerging from the store): Sorry about the wait, kids.
Sprig: Hop Pop! Mrs. Croaker doesn't like me!
Hop Pop: Huh. So, what do you kids want for dinner? I was thinking ravioli.
Anne: Aw, yeah. That's what I'm talkin' about.
Sprig: [sighs]
Sprig(bursting into Anne's room at home): Anne! I've got it.
Anne: [screams]
Sprig: I have a completely reasonable plan for getting Mrs. Croaker to like me.
Anne: Glad to hear it. Lay it on me.
Sprig: Well, I'm going to break into her house, search through her belongings, find the key to her secret wishes, and make them all come true.
Anne: Dude, what? That's completely crazy pants! Listen, Sprig, Mrs. Croaker is just like Jamie Krieger, who, for some inexplicable reason, didn't like me.
Sprig: Anne, this is totally different. This is about me. I'm totally likable. While you can be a bit...
Anne: Go on.
Sprig:...likable. Also.
Anne: Darn right I'm likable. I gave Jamie all my pudding cups at lunch. Even the chocolate ones with the vanilla ribbons. And nothing. What was her problem?
Polly: (looking down from the top of the stairs) Will you two stop yelling? You know there's no soundproofing on these walls, right?
Anne: Wait, seriously?
Sprig: Yep. Don't you hear Hop Pop yodel himself to sleep every night?
Anne: [gasps] I thought it was a stray animal or something.
Polly: Nope, just our Hop Pop bein' a freak.
[banging]
Hop Pop:(from upstairs) You're a freak!
Sprig: Welp, I've got a house to break into, so...
[grunting]
(Sprig hides as Mrs. Croaker is leaving her house. He sneaks inside once she's gone.)
Sprig: All right, Mrs. Croaker. Let's see what you're all about. Huh. Wonder what kind of books she reads.
(He picks up a romance novel entitled "In the Heat of the Swamp" with a frog couple on the front.)
Sprig: That's gonna be hard to forget. [chuckles] Ooh, candy. (He tries taking a piece from a bowl, but it's all stuck together.) Ew, gross. Uh-oh. (The candy sticks to his hand; while trying to get it off he damages her cabinet.)
[shatters]
Sprig(looking at a set of fake teeth): Whoa. Probably shouldn't put these in my mouth. I'm gonna do it. [slurps]
Anne(coming in with Polly): Sprig! Psst! You gotta get outta here, man.
Sprig(holding a bundle of stuff): Oh, hi, guys. Come to help?
Anne: Uh, yeah, you need help, bud. But not with this.
Polly: This is deranged!
Anne: All right, dude, put the stuff back. We're leaving.
Sprig: What? No.
Anne(trying to grab the stuff from him): Come on, Sprig!
[both struggling]
(The stuff flies everywhere and a chest labeled "Secret Memories" opens. Several pictures come out.)
Anne: What the--
Sprig: Hey! Is that Mrs. Croaker?
Anne: Dang, she was hot.
Sprig: Hold on. Who is that? [gasps] Here he is again. Wait a second. Oh, my gosh. Mrs. Croaker has a long-lost love. Jonah this. Jonah that. Even a map of where he might be. There's a frog out there that wants to be with her, and that she wants to be with.
Anne: Hmm. It does kinda seem like she's obsessed with him.
Polly: I guess it's possible.
Sprig: I'm going to hunt down that frog and reunite them. And then, she won't like me. Oh, no. She'll love me.
[manic laughter]
[door closes]
Anne(to Polly): So, you wanna stay here and look at more pictures of hot Croaker?
Polly: You read my mind.
Sprig: Hmm. [gasps] Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, I found it. Okay, Sprig, be cool. Be cool. Come on out, Jonah. Do I have a surprise for you!
Jonah: Eh? Who's there? You from the Puzzle of the Month Club?
Sprig: Nope. I'm here on behalf of Sadie Croaker.
Jonah: Sadie? Sadie Croaker sent you?
Sprig: Well, no. It's a long story, but--
Jonah: This is incredible. I've been searching for Sadie for 30 years!
Sprig: [gasps] I knew it.
Jonah: Now then, can you tell me where she's been all this time?
Sprig: I'll do you one better. I'll take you right to her.
Jonah: Oh, yes! Son, you just made this lonely old frog [inhales] very happy. Mmm.
Sprig: Great. Now let's go.
Jonah: Here I come, Sadie.
Anne: Sprig, where have you been? And who is the strange man attached to you?
Sprig: Ahem, this handsome bachelor happens to be the frog that is going to make Mrs. Croaker like me forever.
Jonah: Name's Jonah.
Sprig: Okay. Let's get this show on the road. Mrs. Croaker! Do I have a surprise for you.
Mrs. Croaker: Ooh! Is it the Puzzle of the Month Club? [gasps] J-- Jonah?
Jonah: Sadie.
Mrs. Croaker: Jonah?
Sprig: [gasps] Oh, my gosh, they're about to flirt. [squeals]
Jonah: It really is you.
Mrs. Croaker: What are you doing here?
Jonah: Sadie Croaker, there's something I've been wanting to tell you for 30 years.
Sprig: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Jonah: Sadie Croaker...prepare to die! [manic laughter]
Sprig: Wait, what?
Jonah: Sadie, Sadie, Sadie. You thought you got the best of me in Bogwater Canyon, but I haven't forgotten.
Sprig: Jonah, this isn't romantic!
Jonah: The Guild would surely take me back if I took you down. Thirty years I been searching for ya, but you hid too well. But now, thanks to this weird little frog leading me straight to you, your time is up.
Sprig: Uh... [nervous laughter]
Mrs. Croaker: You should have let sleeping frogs lie and stayed away. You'd have spared yourself from what's about to happen.
Jonah: Ha! What're you gonna do to me now? You're just an old woman.
Mrs. Croaker: You're old!
Jonah: You're old!
Mrs. Croaker: You're old!
Jonah: You're old!
Sprig: No. He's right. She is just an old woman. I'll save you, Mrs. Croaker.
[grunts]
Mrs. Croaker: Step aside, boy.
[grunts, laughs]
Mrs. Croaker: Bleh! Put your clothes back on, you pervert.
Polly: Whoo! Yeah, Croaker! Mess him up.
[both grunting]
[screaming]
Anne: Whoa. That was--
Polly: Awesome!
Sprig: What just happened?
[muffled groaning]
Mrs. Croaker: Nothing happened. Nothing at all. Because if word of this gets out, let's just say it would be very bad for everyone. Are we clear?
Anne: These lips be zipped.
Polly: Didn't see a thing.
Sprig: Yes, of course. So sorry.
Mrs. Croaker: All right, boy. What's this all about? Spill it.
Sprig: I wanted to get you to like me. So I kind of...snuck into your house and secretly went through all your things. [groans]
Mrs. Croaker: What?
Sprig: And I saw all this stuff about Jonah and I thought he was your long-lost love.
Mrs. Croaker: [laughing]
Sprig, Polly, Anne: [nervous laughter]
Jonah: [muffled laugh]
Mrs. Croaker: What an idiot. What makes you think you can please everyone, kid? Jonah here don't like me.
Jonah: It's true.
Mrs. Croaker(pointing to Anne and Polly): Plenty of people don't like those two.
Anne: Well, hey, now.
Polly: Mission accomplished.
Mrs. Croaker: And I just don't like you.
Sprig: But what did I do? Why don't you like me? I mean, I like you.
Mrs. Croaker: I don't know. Something about your big eyes and goofy smile rub me the wrong way.
Sprig: Oh.
Mrs. Croaker: But you did go through all that trouble to get me to like you. I guess I can try and like you back.
Sprig: Huh. Yeah, no, that's okay. You're right. Like me or don't like me, I'm fine.
Mrs. Croaker: [chuckles] Atta-kid.
Anne: Cool. Well, I guess we'll get going then.
Sprig: She likes me! Aw, yeah! Wa-pow! Good thing I brought this. (Pulls out a hat emblazoned with the words "She Likes Me".) She likes me. She likes me.
Anne(to Mrs. Croaker): You walked right into that one.
Polly: Good luck getting rid of him now.
Sprig: I'm likable. I'm lovable.
Mrs. Croaker: Aw, crud.
Sprig: She likes me!