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This is a transcribed copy of Barrel's Warhammer.
Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Second Temple" Next: "Bessie & MicroAngelo"


Speaker Dialogue
(The episode opens on the North Tower, in a chamber full of toads sitting on raised bleachers and facing a central stage. Captain Bufo, Captain Beatrix, and Captain Aldo all sit together on one side of the room. The room is filled with quiet chatter as everyone waits for something to happen.)
Captain Bufo So, the disgraced Captain Grime called this council meeting? Does anyone have any idea why?
Captain Beatrix Maybe he wants to be surrounded by friends when he gets arrested. What do you think, Aldo?
(Captain Aldo does not respond. A beetle pops into one of his eye sockets and out the other.)
Bufo Uh, is he asleep or dead?
Beatrix Definitely smells dead.
(They both laugh. Bufo slams his fist against the table. Up on the stage, Braddock pulls apart the curtains and peeks through nervously. She closes the curtains and turns back to her companions.)
Braddock Not exactly a welcoming crowd.
Percy Especially that Captain Beatrix! What's her problem?
Grime Her problem is that she's my sister. And I may have teased her quite a bit when we were tadpoles.
Braddock What?!
Percy Get out! (starts hyperventilating)
Braddock That's it! Stick a fork in us. We're done.
Sasha (puts a hand each on Braddock and Percy's shoulders) Enough loser talk. We can do this. Just remember what we practiced and keep your eye on the prize.
Percy Ooh! That reminds me... (He goes over to his bag and retrieves a paintbrush and palette) I have one last touch for our outfits.
(Percy paints an eye symbol on the cloaks of each of his friends. The symbol is a circle with two lines poking out of opposite ends and a single dot in the middle.)
Percy Now we really are a team.
Grime One eye. I see what you did there.
Sasha Nice one, Perce! Now, come on everyone. Let's get out there and impress some toads... or we die!
(They all cheer.)
(Back in the council chamber, the toads are getting impatient.)
Bufo Dang it, Beatrix! What's your brother waiting for?
(Bufo looks up as the curtains over the window close and the stage curtains open to reveal Percy and Sasha, a spotlight flicking on. A drumroll echoes through the room, then as Sasha sets down an easel, the music switches to pop. Percy starts to dance. The toads gasp in awe. Braddock shifts the spotlight to rest on Grime, standing above the stage with a rope in hand. He swings onto the stage and lands on a loose floorboard, catapulting Percy into the air. Percy uses a t-shirt cannon to shoot t-shirts reading 'Toadz Rule!!' into the crowd.)
Grime (clears throat) My fellow toads. (Sasha begins to flip pages on the easel as Grime speaks) For years, we have kept the kingdom's servants in line. But are we not just servants ourselves? I propose a future where toads overthrow King Andrias, and take our rightful place as rulers of all Amphibia!
Sasha (whispering) Psst! Drop the mic!
Grime Oh! Uh, right!
(Grime drops the mic to the floor, and feedback squeals around the room. Crickets chirp in the sudden silence.)
Bufo You all took a huge risk coming here to gain support for your rebellion.
Beatrix And it paid off. We frogging loved it!
(The toads all cheer. One toad wearing a 'Toadz Rule!!' t-shirt howls.)
Beatrix (teasingly) Nicely done, Grimothy.
Sasha No way! Is your real name...
Grime You're not talking about this!
Bufo So tell us, tell us, who's leading this revolution?
Grime (invitingly) I was thinking... us?
(Bufo and Beatrix whisper to each other.)
Bufo Yeah, I don't think so. We love your vision, but no toad is going to follow the command of a fugitive and his hummus.
Sasha Humans. We’re called 'humans'.
Beatrix Bufo's right. Just because King Andrias is working with a couple of hummuses doesn't mean us toads will go for it.
Sasha Wait, other humans? They must be talking about Anne and Marcy. I don't believe it. They're working together? Without me? (She begins to shake with anger.)
Grime And apparently aiding the crown.
Bufo Speaking of which, this whole thing is beginning to sound too risky. Guards! Arrest them!
(Armored toads begin to march toward the stage, spears at the ready. Sasha lets out a furious scream and charges at the toads.)
Grime Sasha, no!
(Sasha defeats the toads in battle, then uses one of them as a stepstool to confront Bufo.)
Sasha Listen here, you buffoon! What's it gonna take to prove that you should follow us?
Captain Aldo (Aldo pulls himself from the vines attaching him to his chair.) Barrel's Warhammer.
Bufo Barrel's Hammer? You've finally gone senile, Aldo.
Beatrix Yeah, that's a suicide mission.
Aldo It is said that the one who wields this hammer is the true leader of all toads. It is the one thing, the only thing, that will prove we should follow you.
Sasha Great! Done! You'll have it in your Crypt-keeper hands by morning.
(Bufo and Beatrix both gasp and laugh.)
Bufo No toad has ever gone after the hammer and made it back alive. This I've gotta see.
(The scene changes to far outside the North Tower, to Sasha, Grime, Percy, and Braddock sailing on a boat.)
Sasha So, what's this hammer, and why are y'all so scared of it?
Grime A little late to be asking, don't you think?
Percy It's the weapon of the legendary toad warrior, Barrel the Brave!
Braddock Barrel gave his life defending a helpless village from a terrifying beast!
Percy (fearfully) Legend has it that this same beast guards his hammer to this very day.
Grime (pushes past Percy and Braddock) Enough whimpering! We don't even know if this tadpole tale is real.
(Percy starts to shiver.)
Sasha (sympathetically) Listen, if things get too wild out here, just give me a signal and I'll call the whole thing off.
Percy A signal? What kind of signal?
Sasha Hmm. How about this? Do your best kawaii pose. It's something we do for photos in my world. Like this. (Sasha demonstrates a kawaii pose.)
Braddock What's a photo?
Sasha Just try it.
(Braddock and Percy both try to strike the same pose Sasha made. The three of them laugh.)
Grime (from the crow's nest) No giggling! We're here.
(They dock the boat and Braddock disembarks as Grime ties it up. Percy stops Sasha before she follows.)
Percy Hey, Sash. Thanks for that. I feel better already.
Sasha Hey, my pleasure. And don't forget, just strike a pose and we'll leave.
(Scene cuts to the four trekking through the bog, Sasha in the lead with the map.)
Sasha According to the map Aldo gave us, we should be close to where the hammer was last seen.
Grime This is insane! Even if it exists, we'll never find it.
Percy Found it!
(He points to a hammer partially buried in the ground, steam billowing out of vents around it. Grime runs up to it.)
Grime I don't believe it. It's real! (laughs) Our ticket to revolution!
Percy And no beast in sight! Could life actually be this easy for a change?
Sasha Quick, Grimesy! Yank that thing out already.
(Grime attempts to pull the hammer out of the ground, to no avail.)
Grime A little help here.
Sasha Okay, gang. On three. (everyone clusters around the hammer) One, two, three!
(They all strain at the hammer, but it barely budges an inch. The ground starts to shake, and everyone except Percy pulls out their weapons.)
Percy The (stammers) beast!
Grime Look alive! Who knows where it'll come from...
(The ground starts to rise beneath them, sending them toppling into the water. They all swim to the nearby boat and climb on. A giant beast rises out of the water, then gives an ear-piercing scream.)
Grime (laughing) What a great way to go!
(Sasha looks behind her and sees Percy and Braddock desperately making kawaii poses. She turns back to the beast and sees Barrel's Warhammer lodged in the scales on top of its head. The beast continues roaring.)
Sasha Sorry, guys, but we're way too close to bail. I am not going back empty-handed.
Percy But...
Braddock You said...
Sasha Steer us closer. We need to get it to attack us.
Percy & Braddock What?
Sasha Trust me!
(Grime steers the boat closer to the beast, and Sasha begins striking it with her sword. The beast coils around, leveling its eyes on them and growling.)
Sasha All right, now we've got its attention. Get ready. Three, two, one, now!
(Right as the beast strikes the boat, the four of them leap out, landing on its scales, and Sasha lodges her sword in. The beast straightens up, and they all begin to slide. Sasha catches Grime and clutches onto her sword. Grime catches Braddock, who catches Percy's hat.)
Percy (catches sight of the wrecked remains of the boat) Aw man, that was my mom's boat.
(The beast flattens out, and they use the opportunity to run to its head. Sasha yanks on the hammer still stuck in its head, Grime, Percy, and Braddock following suit.)
Sasha This thing's never coming loose!
(Sasha lets go of the hammer and runs to the narwhal worm's horn. She throws her cape aside and pulls out a lasso. She swings the lasso around and throws it up at the horn. She yanks on the rope, and the beast is forced to lean back, sending a terrified Percy and Braddock tumbling down its side, just barely managing to hold on. They scream. Sasha manages to turn the beast around and send it barreling straight for the North Tower.)
Grime What do you think you're doing?!
Sasha What's it look like? I'm getting the Warhammer back to the tower!
Grime You're insane and I love it!
(Percy and Braddock both scream as they just barely manage to cling to the beast, rocks and sticks flying past and hitting them. The scene cuts back to the North Tower council chamber.)
Toad Scientist Last Toad Summit was all about improvements to Toad armor durability. This year, the R & D team gives you... armor customization! (The model turns around, displaying armor with a picture of a duck and the words 'Toad Up'. The room erupts with cheers.)
Bufo Ooh, that ducky looks nice.
Female Toad Whoo, yeah! (She hears a sudden roar in the distance and elbows her friend.) Hey, Greg, what do you think that is?
Greg (peers at it through binoculars) Hmm, that's clearly a narwhal-worm being ridden by a hummus. Heading straight for us.
(Greg and the female toad exchange glances, then both scream.)
(Back on the narwhal-worm, Sasha steers the beast as her friends bounce up and down behind her.)
Percy Sasha... please... stop this!
Sasha But we're almost there!
Grime (gasps) The tower! It's coming up too fast. We're going to crash into it. Go left! Go left!
(Sasha gasps, then grunts as she tries to steer the worm to the side. The narwhal-worm growls and a whistle blows, then it rushes forward even faster.
Sasha I can't! I've lost control of it!
Grime (rushes to help Sasha) There must be another way to stop it!
Sasha The Warhammer. It's the only weapon big enough to dent this thing's armor.
(Sasha and Grime rush over to the Warhammer, both straining to pull it out.)
Grime (sighs) It's no use. Sasha, we've got to get out of here or we'll all die.
Sasha No! I can do this! I am not gonna fail! Not while Anne and Marcy are getting by without me!
(Sasha adjusts her stance and grits her teeth, pulling with everything she's got. Finally, she manages to pull the hammer out from the beast's head, and she hefts it above her head. She nearly falls over, but Grime rushes in and helps her out. The hammer lights up with pink runes, and electricity sparks on its head before jet flames activate in the back, pushing Sasha and Grime forward. They use the extra momentum to slam the Warhammer into the head of the narwhal-worm. The worm is knocked unconscious.)
(Greg and the female toad scream as the worm draws nearer. It slides forward, its horn smashing into the window just above the Toad Council's table. The room fills with gasps, and Bufo and Beatrix turn to look at the interruption, shocked.)
Aldo, Bufo, & Beatrix Huh?
Sasha One Warhammer, as promised. (She tosses the Warhammer down, and it lands with a thud in the center of the room.)
(Grime and Sasha hop down from the narwhal-worm, and Grime rushes forward to pick up the hammer. The room erupts with cheers.)
Aldo We hereby grant you the support of all three towers for your rebellion.
Sasha Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Grime Well, Lieutenant, I had my doubts, but we did it.
Sasha Of course, we did. After all, we're the best team in this or any other world. Right, Braddock? Percy? (Sasha glances behind her in time to see Braddock and Percy scream and topple to the ground.) Woah, you guys okay?
Percy "Okay"? Sasha, we almost died back there.
Braddock We trusted you, and you didn't care one bit about what happened to us as long as you got what you wanted.
Sasha That's not true. Besides, we did it.
Percy No, Sasha, you did it. And I think me and Braddock are done with this. With all of it. (They begin to walk toward the exit.)
Sasha What? Where are you going? Guys, come back. You're not actually gonna throw this all away, are you? We are so close. I can feel it.
Percy Goodbye, Sash. We hope you pull it off. We really do.
(Sasha tries to follow them, but Grime blocks her way.)
Grime That's enough, Lieutenant.
Sasha Get out of my way, Grime.
Grime Just let them go, Sasha. We all have our limits. It looks like they finally hit theirs.
Sasha But-
Grime I know it hurts. But remember, every dream has its price, and not everyone's willing to pay it. Now come on, soldier. We've got a world to conquer.
Sasha (sadly) Goodbye, Percy. Goodbye, Braddock.
(The room erupts with cheers as the narwhal-worm snores outside the North Tower.)


ve Episode transcripts
Season 1 1. Anne or Beast?/Best Fronds • 2. Cane Crazy/Flood, Sweat & Tears • 3. Hop Luck/Stakeout • 4. The Domino Effect/Taking Charge • 5. Anne Theft Auto/Breakout Star • 6. Sprig Vs. Hop Pop/Girl Time • 7. Dating Season/Anne Vs. Wild • 8. Contagi-Anne/Family Shrub • 9. Lily Pad Thai/Plantar's Last Stand • 10. Toad Tax/Prison Break • 11. Grubhog Day/Hop Pop and Lock • 12. Civil Wart/Hop-Popular • 13. Croak & Punishment/Trip to the Archives • 14. Snow Day/Cracking Mrs. Croaker • 15. A Night at the Inn/Wally and Anne • 16. Family Fishing Trip/Bizarre Bazaar • 17. Cursed!/Fiddle Me This • 18. The Big Bugball Game/Combat Camp • 19. Children of the Spore/Anne of the Year • 20. Reunion
Season 2 1. Handy Anne/Fort in the Road • 2. The Ballad of Hopediah Plantar/Anne Hunter • 3. Truck Stop Polly/A Caravan Named Desire • 4. Quarreler's Pass/Toadcatcher • 5. Swamp and Sensibility/Wax Museum • 6. Marcy at the Gates • 7. Scavenger Hunt/The Plantars Check In • 8. Lost in Newtopia/Sprig Gets Schooled • 9. Little Frogtown/Hopping Mall • 10. The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers/A Day at the Aquarium • 11. The Shut-In! • 12. Night Drivers/Return to Wartwood • 13. Ivy on the Run/After the Rain • 14. The First Temple • 15. New Wartwood/Friend or Frobo? • 16. Toad to Redemption/Maddie & Marcy • 17. The Second Temple/Barrel's Warhammer • 18. Bessie & MicroAngelo/The Third Temple • 19. The Dinner/Battle of the Bands • 20. True Colors
Season 3 1. The New Normal • 2. Hop 'Til You Drop/Turning Point • 3. Thai Feud/Adventures in Catsitting • 4. Fight at the Museum/Temple Frogs • 5. Fixing Frobo/Anne-sterminator • 6. Mr. X/Sprig's Birthday • 7. Spider-Sprig/Olivia & Yunan • 8. Hollywood Hop Pop/If You Give a Frog a Cookie • 9. Froggy Little Christmas • 10. Escape to Amphibia • 11. Commander Anne/Sprivy • 12. Sasha's Angels/Olm Town Road • 13. Mother of Olms/Grime's Pupil • 14. The Root of Evil/The Core & The King • 15. Newts in Tights/Fight or Flight • 16. The Three Armies/The Beginning of the End • 17. All In • 18. The Hardest Thing
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