| — This is a transcribed copy of Anne Theft Auto. — |
| Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
| Previous: "Taking Charge" | Next: "Breakout Star" |
| — This section is currently incomplete. — |
| More details can be added to expand it. Please help Amphibia Wiki by making this section longer. |
[Anne and the Plantars are riding on Bessie.]
Hop Pop: Ah, a leisurely outing with Bessie. Why, we could really go anywhere. Do anything.
Sprig: Ooh, ooh! Can we get Swamp Slushies? They have new flavors.
Hop Pop: [laughs] Nope.
Polly: Can we go off-road? [She pulls Hop Pop's eyelids.] Do some crazy stunts?
Hop Pop: Double no.
Anne: Ooh, ooh! Can I drive?
Hop Pop: Sure.
Anne: Aw, come on, Hop Pop-[realizes what he said; surprised] Wait, really?
Hop Pop: Absolutely. I've been trying to teach this guy for years. [He points to Sprig.]
Sprig: It's true.
Anne: All right! Give me those reins. I'm ready to drive.
[At the Plantar Farm, Hop Pop drops a big book on a tree stump.]
Hop Pop: Not before reading this, you ain't.
Anne: What?
Hop Pop: This is Bessie's History. Before touching a snail's reins, you gotta know them. Feel their heartbeat next to yours and become one.
Anne: Hop Pop, it's just a vehicle. We had a family car back home. It's no biggie. [Hop Pop throws the book at her.] Oof!
Hop Pop: Don't care. You can't drive Bessie, unless you read this cover to cover. And that's final.
Anne: Are there pictures?
Hop Pop: There are diagrams.
Anne: Noooooooo!
Hop Pop: Dramatic much? Now if you'll excuse me, Polly's due for a wash. [He picks up a dirty Polly from a mud puddle.]
Polly: No, no. Wait. No! I'll just get dirty again. You can't stop me! I learned this from watching you, Anne!
Anne: Ugh. I'll be old before I finish reading this thing.
Sprig: Yeah, page five is as far as I got. Too much description, not enough plot.
Anne: [sighs] This is ridiculous. I don't need history. [She puts the book in Bessie's bag and jumps onto her.] I need experience. Hey. What do you say we take a harmless test-drive? Prove to Hop Pop we're fast learners? [Sprig starts to take her hand, but stops.]
Sprig: Hmm. Do you get the feeling this is one of those decisions we'll look back on and say, "Ooh-boy, we probably shouldn't have done that"?
Anne: ♪ We'll get Swamp Slushies while we're out. ♪
Sprig: [Jumping onto Bessie] No regrets!
Anne: That's what I like to hear. Hyah! [Bessie starts to move fast as Anne and Sprig whoop with joy. Mrs. Croaker is then seen riding her ladybug.]
Mrs. Croaker: Huh? What in tarnation? [She sees dust coming her way. Bessie rides past her very fast, causing her ladybug to spin out of control.] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Sprig: [Patting his bottom] Out of the way, slowpoke!
Mrs. Croaker: Hooligans! Ruffians! Swamp suckers!
Anne: Whoa. What was that?
Sprig: I've always wanted to try road rage.
Anne: And the verdict?
Sprig: Exhilarating.
Anne: Live your truth! Yeah!
[both laugh]
Sprig: Man, you were right. We didn't need to read some silly book. You drive just fine.
Anne: Just fine? Pshh. Boy, I'm a natural. [gasps] Ooh, ooh! Wanna take this baby off-road?
Sprig: Yup.
[revving]
Sprig: Whoo-hoo!
Both: Whoa!
[laughing]
Both: Whoa!
[laughing]
Both: Whoa! Oof!
Anne: [sighs] So, off-roading. Fun. But how about we go back to on-roading?
Sprig: Good old reliable on-roading, yes, please.
Anne: All right, Bessie. Let's move. [She whips Bessie, but she doesn't move.] One more time. Let's move. [Bessie still doesn't move.] Um, Bessie?
[sputtering]
Sprig: You all right, girl?
Anne: Hey, what's going on here? Does it need fuel in the tank or something? Is the oil low? Come get the tasty fuel, Bessie.
Sprig: Ew, Anne. These leaves are tastier. Here, Bessie. I got dem good leaves, girl.
[purrs]
Anne: Hmm. Maybe we can push her? Give her a jump-start? I'm sure that's a thing.
[both straining]
Anne: Okay. She is way too heavy.
Sprig: [panting]
Anne: Also, I'm crazy out of shape.
Sprig: What are we gonna do? We're stuck.
Anne: We have no choice. I'll stay here with Bessie while you hitch a ride back to the farm and... [groans] ... go get Hop Pop.
Sprig: Good idea. It's the right thing to do, even if we get an earful. Back in a flash [He uses his tongue to grab a tree branch and jumps from tree to tree.]
[sighs]
[scatting]
[yawns]
Anne: Ah, this is so boring. [groans] Wish I had something to read.
Anne: Fine. But just to pass the time. [coughs] Okay, let's see here. "It was an especially cold morning the day Bessie was brought into this world."
Hop Pop: [narrating] "The leaves had just changed color, and now I shall describe those leaves to you in great detail--" [Anne slams the book shut.]
Anne: Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
[grunting]
Sprig: Aha!
Sprig: Over here, over here. I need a ride.
[coughing]
[tires squeal]
Sprig: Oh, thank you so much for stopping. I, uh--
Sprig: Oh.
Mrs. Croaker: Bless my socks. If it isn't Sprig Plantar.
[barks]
Sprig: [chuckles] Yep. Hey, uh, sorry about earlier. Got a little carried away.
Mrs. Croaker: Oh, pishposh. Sadie Croaker never holds a grudge, honey.
Sprig: Well, that's lucky. Will you give me a lift back home? It's urgent.
Mrs. Croaker: Oh, absolutely.
Sprig: Thanks, Mrs. Croaker.
Mrs. Croaker: Oh, my pleasure, honey. Well, go on and get comfy. Watch out for ol' Archie, though. His venom can cause paralysis. Now hold on to your eyebrows. 'Cause here we go! [She whips her ladybug and whoops with joy.]
Sprig: Whoo! [The ladybug moves very slowly.] Can't this thing go any faster?!
Hop Pop: [narrating] "And it was at that moment I realized Bessie was no ordinary snail, but a kind, clear soul who would help others at a drop of a hat. I raised my bid to 400 copper pieces, winning the auction, and in the process, saving Bessie from the nefarious Jim Snapes."
Anne: Yes! In your face, Snapes. [grunts] Man. This is actually pretty good. [She takes some leaves and chews on them.] And I need to stop eating leaves. [Meanwhile, Sprig is holding Archie while humming.]
Sprig: Come on, come on.
Mrs. Croaker: You know what would make this ride go a lot quicker?
Sprig: What? Anything. What?
Mrs. Croaker: A song! [vocalizing] ♪ Ninety-nine jugs Of juice on the wall ♪ ♪ Ninety-nine jugs of juice ♪ ♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪ [Back with Anne, she is still reading Bessie's History.]
Hop Pop: [narrating] "The snow swirled around us and I knew we were doomed. I could feel the strength leaving my body bit by bit. The sweet embrace of eternity crept closer and closer. Until suddenly I heard a sound pulling me back." [warbling] "Bessie... Bessie was singing!" [Anne starts sobbing.]
Anne: You go, girl. [She hugs Bessie's shell and her tears run down it.] You noble, noble creature. Man. This is messing me up. [sniffles] Now let's see. Where was I? [reading] "The reason Bessie had hidden in her shell was now very clear to me. A predator was close. And not just any predator. A natural enemy of snails."
[rustling]
[bird caws]
Anne: Uh... Hello? Uh, anything in here about this predator? Oh, there we go. Aw, it's actually pretty cute.
[snarling]
[screams]
[whimpers]
[snarling]
[yells]
[growling]
Anne: Cone on, come on. Yes!
Anne: [reading] "When Bessie senses danger, you gotta sit on her shell and yell at the top of your lungs, 'Bessie, things are getting messy!'"
Anne: Yes! Whoo!
[growling]
Anne: Eat our dust, hedgehogs.
[screams]
Anne reading: "If you still haven't escaped, give Bessie some berries from the secret compartment in the front of her shell."
Anne: Whoa, this is gross. Let's do this thing, Bessie.
[purrs]
[yelping]
Anne: Way to go, Bessie! You are the queen of the road.
[purrs]
Anne: All right, let's go home. [Bessie starts moving again. Back on Mrs. Croaker's ladybug, Sprig is lying down, fed up with the song she is singing.]
Mrs. Croaker: ♪ Take one down Pass it around ♪ ♪ No more jugs of juice On the wall ♪
Sprig: [sighs] Glad that's finally over.
Mrs. Croaker: One more time! [Sprig covers his face with Archie and screams.]
Anne: Hey, kid, need a lift?
[purrs]
Sprig: Anne! Thank goodness. Okay, bye, Mrs. Croaker. Thank you.
Mrs. Croaker: Bye, darlin'. Next time, try to keep that road rage in check. [laughs] Yee-haw! [She whips her ladybug and it takes off at high speed. Mrs. Croaker's cackling is heard.] Woo-hoo!
Sprig: Pretty sure I just got played.
Anne: That woman is everything I want to be. [It is dark when she and Sprig return to the farm.]
Sprig: We made it. And it looks like Hop Pop's still washing Polly. [Polly, still dirty, is bouncing around the house.]
Polly: You'll never take me alive!
Hop Pop: Dang it, Polly. You're getting filth everywhere! [A crash is heard.]
Sprig: Hey. You coming?
Anne: I think I'm going to spend a little more time with ol' Bessie here.
Sprig: Suit yourself.
[door closes]
[purring gently]
Anne: Now where were we?
[snoring]
Hop Pop: [grunts] What the hey?
Anne: Good morning, Hopadiah.
Hop Pop: Anne?
Anne: I did it. I read the whole thing. In one night.
Hop Pop: Impressive. Kinda scary. But impressive.
Anne: I was wrong about Bessie. She's not just a vehicle. She's a noble, beautiful creature.
Hop Pop: And now that you've read this, all you need is experience.
[chuckling]
[evil laughter]
Hop Pop: I don't feel safe.